


Despair

by CapricornHunter



Series: Out of Darkness, Into Light [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dark One Emma Swan, Drama, F/F, Swan Queen - Freeform, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-02 10:05:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19196653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CapricornHunter/pseuds/CapricornHunter
Summary: After Emma saves Regina by taking on the Dark One Curse, her family will stop at nothing to break it. But, while rocked by emotions and plagued with self-doubt after an intimate moment with Regina, Emma retreats into herself until the darkness can no longer be held back.





	Despair

“Emma! Wait! Come back, please!”

Barging through the double doors, Emma held the hem of her dress up as she ran down the hallway, her parents’ cries echoing behind her. Turning a sharp corner, she leaned up against the stone wall and caught her breath, letting her head thunk back in frustration.

“I guess that didn’t go so well?” a voice asked, and Emma immediately opened her eyes to see Regina standing in front of her, expression careful and posture open. Emma wanted to roll her eyes at Regina’s unnecessary caution, but a smaller, vulnerable part of her was grateful. Regina always seemed to know how to approach her.

“I was hoping no one would notice,” Emma mumbled, trying to subtly hide her hand behind her back.

“You were hoping no one would notice one of your hands turned to scaly leather?” Regina asked, brow raised as she looked pointedly at Emma’s hand.

Giving it up, Emma let her hands fall free. The skin of the left one looked rough and scaly, and the nails had grown into sharp white claws. Looking down at it, Emma was disgusted. At the same time, part of her felt it was deserved. She looked away.

“Has it happened anywhere else?” Regina asked, and Emma shook her head.

“...Is it because of-?”

“No.”

Emma immediately cut her off, not wanting to discuss what happened with Robin. Regina nodded and said nothing further.

They both turned at the sound of heavy footsteps and saw Snow and David round the corner, relieved to find Emma safe and close.

“Emma, I’m so glad you’re here,” Snow said, a light smile on her face, but Emma kept frowning.

“We just want to talk,” David added. He tried to move closer, but Snow’s hand on his arm stopped him. Emma noticed the contact and swallowed through the lump in her throat, once again trying to discreetly hide her scaly hand.

“I’ve already heard what you have to say,” Emma said, voice low. She looked at the floor and Snow and David shared a glance.

“What we said...it was wrong, Emma. We’re so sorry,” Snow tried, but Emma glared at her.

“This isn’t the first time you’ve treated me differently because of magic,” Emma retorted, painful memories of her parents wanting to snuff out her magic resurfacing. “You didn’t learn from your mistakes?”

“We’re learning now,” David said, finally taking a step forward. He needed his daughter to understand. “We won’t always get it right, but we will always try for you, Emma.”

A suffocating mix of anger and hurt swelled up inside Emma’s chest and her eyes stung with unshed tears.

“It’s not enough,” she whispered, hands balled into shaking fists. Her parents looked stricken at the comment, but before they could say anything else, soft fingers gripped Emma’s scaly hand, and she looked up to see Regina giving her an assuring nod.

“I think that’s quite enough family time for now,” Regina said, giving Emma’s hand a squeeze.

“Regina, wai-!” Snow cut herself off when Regina engulfed herself and Emma in purple smoke with a flourish of her free hand.

Shoulders sagging in exhaustion and defeat, she turned to her husband and burrowed herself in his strong arms.

“We...we have to give her time, David,” she said, voice muffled by his shoulder. All he could do was nod.

* * *

Outside Arthur’s castle, Emma gulped in a lungful of air, the open space putting her at ease. The castle was stifling, and often Emma felt trapped.

She glanced down at the hand holding hers and squeezed her fingers lightly.

“Thank you.”

Regina squeezed her hand back and let go a moment later, and Emma felt a small sense of loss. Fingers outstretched just slightly, she curled her hand into a fist and ignored the feeling.

“So, um… How are you?” Emma asked.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

“I think you already know how I’m feeling,” Emma muttered, trudging forward. Regina sighed, but followed Emma until she was right beside her.

“To answer your question: fine. I’m more concerned about you.”

Emma opened her mouth to say something, but thought better of it, instead choosing to look around and try to enjoy the cool evening air. The castle felt so hot, so stuffy, and it was a relief to be in such open space.

“If you want to talk about it, I can listen,” Regina said, “Or we can just walk among the daisies like everything is fine.”

“...There aren’t any daisies here,” Emma pointed out, looking around.

“I know. It’s a saying. Something along those lines, anyway.”

Emma snorted and Regina looked pleased.

“So how about it? Feel like sharing?”

Emma hesitated, curling into herself slightly and keeping her eyes off Regina.

“I don’t…” Emma started, then sighed, attempting to find the right words. “I don’t know, my parents just…”

“If it makes you feel any better, due to my history with them I believe I am... _uniquely_ qualified to handle whatever it is you want to say about Snow and David,” Regina said.

Emma gave her a look, and Regina crossed her arms.

“I won’t _tell_ them anything.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about,” Emma muttered, and Regina just rolled her eyes.

They were quiet for a time, until Emma finally broke the silence.

“When you spend your whole life disappointed and alone, you’re not used to suddenly relying on people or having them rely on you. Growing up without parents, I didn’t realize I had certain freedoms, like not having to worry about angering or disappointing them if I did something wrong…” Emma trailed off, but shook her head and kept going. “And now to see their disappointed faces, knowing that _I_ caused it…”

Regina said nothing while Emma explained, listening carefully and nodding along.

“It’s like being told what I knew all along: I’ll never be good enough for anybody.”

“Emma,” Regina finally said, “I’m going to share something with you, and...I hope it helps you understand.”

Emma frowned, unsure where Regina was going with this, but she trusted her. If Regina felt it was important enough to say, it probably was.

“It might sound crazy to you or anyone else, but I loved my mother. Despite the fear and anxiety she created within me, I loved her. You’ve met my mother, so you know what kind of person she was, but it’s the truth.

“I was often told I looked just like her in her youth, and it made me feel good. It can’t be denied my mother was a powerful woman who always got what she wanted, so to be compared to her meant _I_ could be powerful like that one day.” Regina shook her head but kept walking, eyes focused right in front of her, thinking back to her time in the Enchanted Forest when Cora was alive and well.

“What scared me the most about her was her magic,” Regina explained. “She would constantly use it to punish me or keep me in line if I was too...difficult.”

Emma winced at the tone Regina took with that word. It was all too familiar to her; who wanted to take in a difficult kid with an independent streak a mile wide? Emma nodded her understanding and Regina glanced at her before continuing.

“Part of me wanted to be like her, but I never wanted to learn magic,” Regina said, holding her hands palm up and conjuring twin fireballs, blazing brightly in the dark. “In my mind, magic was only used to hurt and destroy.”

Emma watched the fire burn, casting shadows on Regina’s face before she closed her hands, snuffing them out.

“I guess...that failed,” Emma said, and Regina chuckled darkly.

“Failed miserably,” she continued, “But eventually I learned to control magic, use it to get what I want, and watch the things I loved and cared about slip away with it.”

“But you don’t…” Emma swallowed. “That doesn’t happen anymore, does it?”

A wistful look in dark eyes was the only answer Emma received.

“Magic is a scary thing, Emma,” Regina said, fidgeting with her hands a little. Emma focused on the action.

“If you’re not familiar with it, it can be a serious threat. Accepting something so different from what you know can be very challenging. We all fall prey to our fears at some point.”

Emma felt a counterpoint bubbling up, begging to be let out, but she squashed the feeling. Giving Regina a wary look instead, she asked, “And what does all this have to do with my parents?”

“They just...don’t understand,” Regina said, finally looking at Emma. “An evil queen spent almost half her life trying to kill them with magic, a wicked witch kidnapped their newborn child, and those are only the most obvious examples.” Stopping in place, Regina took a breath, and Emma braced herself for what she was about to hear.

“Your parents were taught to fear magic, or at least be wary of it. I...don’t entirely blame them for not understanding. Give them time.”

Emma frowned but said nothing. She knew Regina was right. She knew it. It was just easier to be angry at her parents, to blame them for her troubles and shut them out for not understanding her.

“I wouldn’t do those things to them…” Emma grumbled, and Regina let out a small huff of laughter.

“One would hope so.”

Emma saw the teasing glint in Regina’s eyes and felt a little better, the corners of her lips curling up just slightly. Regina noticed and gave a smile of her own.

They walked in comfortable silence, Regina occasionally looking up at the sky and Emma occasionally looking at Regina. Glancing down at their hands, Emma swallowed and brushed hers against Regina’s, waiting for any kind of reaction, negative or otherwise. With no visible sign of discomfort from Regina, Emma did it again, this time more deliberately, her fingers lingering. Regina looked down at their hands, and then up to Emma, a question in her dark eyes. Emma stopped and pulled her hand back, suddenly ashamed, but then Regina took her hand and held it.

“You...you’re not afraid of me?” Emma questioned, voice soft and uncertain. Regina just smirked and tugged her along, resuming their walk.

“Since when have I ever been afraid of you?”

Emma felt some of her uncertainty melt away, the banter between her and Regina safe and familiar. The response came easily.

“Come on, I’m not even a little intimidating?”

“Sure. As intimidating as puppies ever get.”

Emma barked out a laugh and immediately covered her mouth, but the damage was already done. Regina grinned at her, giving her hand a squeeze and Emma felt a rush of happiness.

They stopped at the edge of the forest, not wanting to go farther in the dark. Emma sighed and turned to the castle, reluctant to go back but not knowing what else to do. Going back meant facing her parents again, and ending her time with Regina. Emma looked down at their joined hands, still uneasy about holding Regina’s hand with her rough scaly one.

“What are you thinking about?”

Emma glanced up, thoughts disrupted.

“Just…” she trailed off, but eventually found an answer. “It’s a nice night, and I wanted to stay out longer.”

It wasn’t very convincing, but if Regina saw through it she didn’t comment on it.

“We can do that.”

Satisfied, Emma starting walking along the forest edge, grateful Regina would indulge her with this. She took a deep breath, the fresh air keeping her calm, and Regina’s hand in hers a grounding presence.

“Thanks for staying out here. With me,” Emma started, looking at the ground. “I really needed the space and, present company excluded, just wanted to get away from everyone.”

“I understand,” Regina said, “It’s overwhelming, dealing with these new feelings, while feeling alone in a room full of people.”

They eventually slowed to a stop, too absorbed in their thoughts to keep moving, and Regina turned to face Emma.

“I know you feel like you’re completely alone in this, Emma, but I promise you aren’t. Your family loves you, and I-”

Regina hesitated, and Emma tilted her head, eyes wide and waiting for a response.

“I’ll always have your back. Or...whatever it is you’re always telling me,” Regina said, her attempt to lighten the mood falling flat as Emma weighed the intensity of her promise.

“I know you will.”

Feeling a little bolder from Regina’s words, and needing closer contact between the two of them, Emma lifted her hand and placed it gently on Regina’s cheek, brushing away a few stray hairs. Regina just stared at her, eyes wide and full of anticipation.

“Emma?”

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Emma took a small step closer, gaze trailing down Regina’s face to her lips. She felt a small tug in her chest, pulling her closer to Regina, and Emma couldn’t contain the words that spilled forth, a waterfall of feelings buried deep and ignored for too long.

“I want you to know that...you’re one of the most important people in my life, Regina. You do know that, right?”

“Yes,” Regina said, breathless in her response at the intensity of Emma’s gaze.

“I will always be there for you, the way you’re there for me,” Emma said, voice warm and full of promise. “Having you here chases some of the darkness away. I feel stronger with you. I…”

With every word she inched closer, almost close enough to touch, until she realized what she was doing and stopped.

“I need you,” she whispered, the rawness of her feelings stealing her voice enough to barely get the words out. Regina’s eyes widened, staring at Emma with a tentative brightness she hadn’t seen before. Then Regina moved forward, just enough, and Emma closed the gap between them with a soft kiss.

Immediately Emma felt different, lighter, like the shadows of night were chased away by the first rays of sunlight on the horizon. She pulled away slowly, eyes still closed as she held onto that feeling for as long as possible.

“Emma!” Regina gasped, and she opened her eyes to see a shocked expression on Regina’s face instead of the happy one she’d hoped to see.

“What? What’s wrong?”

Regina brushed her fingers against Emma’s skin, lightly touching the now soft hand on her cheek.

“The Curse…” she murmured, and Emma realized what that lightness in her heart was.

Emma surged forward and kissed Regina again, needing to be closer to that feeling, to hold it in her hands and banish the darkness once and for all, but two hands on her shoulders pushed her away.

“Emma, Emma wait, I-”

“Regina…?” Emma said, confused and a little heartbroken. Eyes closed and breathing unsteady, Regina finally looked at Emma, slowly letting her arms down until they hung at her sides. She said nothing, and Emma felt a wave of panic course through her.

“Did I do something wrong? I’ll-I’ll fix it-!” Emma cut herself off at Regina’s slow headshake. She flexed her fingers, grasping at empty air but keeping them to herself.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” Regina admitted, voice so low Emma almost missed it. She froze in place, an icy grip on her heart keeping her silent.

“Emma...I’m sorry. Somehow the Curse...I didn’t think…” Regina floundered for words, trailing off at the sight of Emma’s hand. It had returned to its rough texture, and when she looked up to meet Emma’s eyes she saw the scaliness slowly creep up her neck.

Emma noticed and her untouched hand flew to her throat, wincing at the scratchy, leathery feel of her skin. Her hand dropped and she hunched over, unsteady on her feet, feeling the fear and shame creep back into her heart.

“I have to go.”

Emma jerked her head up at Regina’s decision, and felt gutted at what she saw. Regina tried to hide it, but her expression was bogged down by a crushing sadness that Emma felt as strongly as if it were her own.

“No, Regina, please…” Emma begged, but Regina took a step back, wrapping her arms around herself. Emma moved forward but kept her hands to her chest, fingers clenched so tightly the claws scraped at her skin.

“I can’t do this without you. I can’t-!”

And then Regina was gone, wrapped in a cloud of purple smoke.

“No!” Emma cried, reaching out but grabbing only air.

Emma felt her stomach drop, and a deep sense of loneliness crept into her heart, settling into her bones and blocking out the world around her. She truly was alone in this now. Eyes stinging with tears, Emma turned and ran into the forest, disappearing into the dark.

* * *

“This tragedy is starting to bore me.”

After walking for hours by herself, the sudden voice startled her. Emma whirled around, hands glowing with light and dark energy, ready to blast whoever had spoken.

“Show yourself!”

“No need to yell, dearie! I’m right here,” a familiar voice called out, grating on Emma’s nerves. Rumplestiltskin, spirit of the former Dark One, appeared before her with a mocking bow.

“Get out of my sight,” she growled, magic fading as she turned back around, hastily wiping away a few stray tears.

Rumplestiltskin tutted.

“Always so rude.”

Emma ignored the barb and started pacing back and forth, chewing her lip in frustration. Every so often she’d glance up to see Rumplestiltskin standing there, amusement shining in his eyes as he studied her. Some part of him was constantly moving: twiddling his fingers or tapping his foot, as if he had too much energy to contain.

“Do you have something to say or are you just gonna stand there?” Emma bit out, hoping he’d vanish if she was rude enough.

“Oh, don’t mind me, I’m just enjoying the weather,” he said, clasping his hands behind his back. It was far too innocent a pose for him. It looked wrong.

“Yeah sure.” She snorted, calling him on his casual stance.

“Mmm, it appears the Darkness loves the taste of powerful women with few options left,” Rumplestiltskin muttered, and Emma stared at him.

“What?”

She knew better than to take the bait, but his words bothered her.

“I once told Her Majesty of Evil that the Darkness likes how she tastes,” the imp explained, a sinister grin on his face. “She didn’t quite appreciate that.”

Emma grit her teeth and Rumplestiltskin tutted again.

“Apparently you don’t either.”

“Regina isn’t like that anymore. She doesn’t-”

“You see, dearie, once the Darkness gets a taste for you, and you for it…”

In a blink he was standing toe-to-toe with her and Emma took a step back. He was so close, close enough for her to feel his warm breath on her shoulder.

“It won’t give up, and neither will you,” he declared, as if he knew all and saw all.

“I don’t believe that,” Emma retorted, standing her ground when she found her footing. She wouldn’t allow this spectre to scare her.

Rumplestiltskin gave her a cruel smile.

“It doesn’t matter what you believe. What matters is the truth, and the truth is the Darkness won’t let you go, dearie.”

Emma paled and Rumplestiltskin cackled, clapping his hands together in a monstrous parody of an excited child. Feeling sick, Emma turned away. A small part of her didn’t want to believe it, but a more powerful presence inside her knew it was true. It made her stomach flip.

“You’re a prime candidate, you know,” Rumplestiltskin said, bringing Emma out of her thoughts. “So much...negativity and anger contained in one pretty package. How could anyone resist?”

“Is that why I keep seeing you everywhere? You can’t resist me?” Emma asked with a smirk.

Rumplestiltskin laughed and the smirk disappeared, along with any confidence Emma felt at trying to best Rumplestiltskin.

“Don’t flatter yourself, dearie. You’re not nearly as clever as you think you are.”

They both fell silent, Rumplestiltskin staring at Emma with those big, shiny eyes and Emma doing everything she could to avoid their scrutiny.

“The Darkness is such a _hungry_ thing, don’t you think?”

Emma ignored him, but Rumplestiltskin pressed on.

“It feeds on so many delicious things: sadness, rage, loneliness…”

Suddenly Rumplestiltskin was right beside her, whispering into her ear, “Despair.”

Emma flinched away, and Rumplestiltskin cackled, hopping around her as Emma tried to block him out. Nothing ever worked.

“Anyone can see you’re absolutely filled with it,” he mocked, hands gesturing wildly. “An aura of darkness and despair surrounds you, poisoning everything it touches, just as it should.”

“I...I’m more than the darkness,” Emma said through gritted teeth, but her claim carried no bite. Rumplestiltskin smiled knowingly.

“Oh really? Your parents don’t want you. Your son doesn’t want you. Now the woman you love...doesn’t love you back.”

Emma glared daggers at him, and Rumplestiltskin merely giggled at the look.

“You really need to work on your death glare, dearie,” he remarked, glancing at his claws and wiggling his fingers at her. “You’re the new Dark One. I should be shaking in my boots!” He lifted a leg and moved his foot around, laughing as he did so. Feeling more defeated than ever, Emma sunk to the ground, fists clenched in anguish, trying to ignore the taunts.

“Why am I not enough…?” she murmured, realizing too late she had spoken out loud. Not that it mattered. He was in her head.

“Shall I go down the list, or was that a rhetorical question?” Rumplestiltskin tilted his head with a sneer, rotted teeth on display.

“Shut up. Just shut up!”

“Careful! You might hurt yourself.”

Emma yelled in frustration, allowing herself a moment to cry. She didn’t want to, not in front of Rumple’s evil spectre, but it didn’t matter anymore. She expected to hear a laugh, a taunt, but all she heard was silence. She looked up and saw Rumplestiltskin standing still, almost pensive. She wanted to say something, but the words caught in her throat.

Rumplestiltskin paused, big reptilian eyes shining in the fading moonlight as he stared at Emma. She looked pathetic, kneeling on the grass, clothes rumpled and dirty, face streaked with silent tears. He almost pitied her.

He was reminded of a different place, a different time, and for a moment the snivelling creature hunched on the ground was him. When he finally spoke, his voice was quiet, so unlike the high-pitched taunting Emma was used to hearing. It was almost resigned.

“No one loves the Darkness, dearie.”

When Emma blinked, he was gone. She was left alone once more.

Shoulders sagging further, Emma finally let herself cry unrestrained. The tears turned into heaving sobs, and her body shook from the force of them. She slammed her fist against the ground, ignoring the dull ache forming with every hit.

She eventually stopped, hunched forward on both arms as she continued to cry, chest heaving with every laboured breath.

“Why wasn’t I enough? Why wasn’t I ever enough?” Emma gasped to the empty air. A small part of her hoped for a response, for someone to tell her that she was enough, but nothing came.

Squeezing her eyes shut to block the tears, she curled further into herself, trying desperately to ignore the pain in her chest.

_We want you._

Emma jolted up and twisted around, looking for the source of the voice.

“What? W-Who’s there!?”

_We want you, Emma._

The voice--more like voices-- slid over Emma’s skin like a cold and oily snake, curling around her body and coiling tightly around her chest.

Emma thrashed her arms against her invisible enemy, but the tightness remained. Panic set in, restricting her breathing even more and her eyes went wide, desperately looking around for her assailant.

_Where is your family, Emma? Why are they not here?_

“Get off me! Get away from me!” Emma screamed, continuing to struggle, but it was futile. The hold did not lessen, and the feeling started to spread throughout her body.

_You know why they’re not here...why they won’t come save you._

The fight in Emma slowly drained out of her. Her thrashing came to a stop and she lay on the ground, staring at the inky black sky, holding in another sob. It was eerily quiet in the clearing, and not a sound was heard from the forest. Emma truly was alone.

She didn’t want to believe the voice. She wanted to believe that she was wanted, that she was enough, that she was loved just the way she was. She wanted to believe it.

But she couldn’t.

_We can save you, Emma… We can help you._

The voice had returned, but the cold feeling had vanished. An almost comforting weight had settled upon her now, enveloping her in its strong embrace. She hadn’t felt this close to anyone in what felt like years.

_Yes… Rest, Emma… Rest, and when you awaken, you will be born anew._

Emma slowly nodded, her eyelids drifting shut. It was fine to fall asleep out here, Emma thought. No one would miss her.

* * *

The Dark Swan stood outside, the wet grass glistening after the rain that had pelted the ground not long ago. She peered up at the highest castle tower, her chest aching with longing. She needed to be inside with her family. She needed to talk to them. This wasn’t right, this wasn’t-

The feeling was immediately quashed, and Emma stood straighter, eyes cold and focused. She could feel the Darkness slithering around her, inside her, its seductive pull calling her, telling her what to do and how to do it.

This was her fate now.

Taking one last deep breath, Emma vanished in a puff of grey smoke, and reappeared inside the tower.

“Emma!”

Everyone was rooted in place, shocked at her sudden arrival and altered appearance. The horrified looks of her parents and son, the pained expression on Regina’s face, it all threatened to break the facade, but once again those feelings were shoved aside as the Darkness took control.

“Mom? What happened to you?” Henry asked, voice cracking a little, and Emma turned her attention to him, though she spoke to everyone present.

“Isn’t it obvious? I’m the Dark One now.”

“Emma…”

Emma’s head snapped to Snow, and she felt a small tug in her chest at the pained look in her mother’s eyes. It was easy to forget, however, when she thought of everything her parents had said to her. It hurt her, deeply, and the Darkness fed on that pain and turned it into rage.

Stepping closer to Snow, Emma channeled that rage into an icy glare.

“Looks like you didn’t do enough for me,” Emma murmured, voice low and rough. Snow flinched at the tone but said nothing, too hurt and stunned to speak.

Walking up to Regina, Emma inserted herself into her space, studying Regina’s features and taking in the fear she saw staring back at her. Regina swallowed and Emma’s eyes darted to her throat, transfixed by the movement.

“Emma, it’s not too late to fix this,” Regina murmured as she finally found her voice. She gently touched Emma’s arm, wanting to keep her close. “We can talk, we can-”

Emma raised a hand to cut her off. Suddenly the dagger appeared in her hand, and Regina froze. Hands flying to the belt at her side, she felt nothing but fabric.

“This belongs to me.”

Stepping back, Emma disappeared, stepping out of a grey cloud on the castle roof. Feeling another presence, she turned around to see Regina had followed her, stepping out of her own purple cloud of magic. Emma stared at her coldly but turned and walked towards the unconscious body lying on the ground two feet away.

“Emma, don’t do this,” Regina said, taking a step forward. Emma could hear the fear in her voice. “You’re better than this.”

Emma turned back to her, eyes betraying nothing as she stood next to Killian’s unconscious form. The darkness made it easier to keep her emotions at bay.

“I’ve been consumed by the Darkness, Regina. This is what I am now.”

The emptiness of her tone would have surprised her, but the words rang true. She had become the darkness.

“You’ll kill him!” Regina shouted, desperate now, and Emma had to look away. She was reminded of Regina’s efforts to talk her out of killing Lily. She wouldn’t be successful a second time.

“We all know he’s lived too long,” Emma said, airily, staring down at Killian. “I’d be doing him a favour.”

Emma’s fingers twitched, but she remained still. Fear had an icy grip on her heart, and for a moment Emma wondered if she really could go through with it. Then the Darkness roared inside her and, as if acting on its own will, her hand reached into Killian’s chest and ripped out his heart. He didn’t stir, and Emma looked down at him with a mixture of pity and contempt.

She turned to face Regina, the soft _ba-dum, ba-dum_ of Killian’s heartbeat breaking the silence between them.

“How are you casting this curse? If you need the heart of what you love most-”

“Love?” Emma scoffed, her gaze darkening as she looked at the heart in her hand. “I don’t love him, Regina. And this isn’t a curse. I would never kill Henry, or you. This is merely a sacrifice to activate a spell.”

They were both silent, and Emma wondered what Regina would say next. She chanced a look at her, and almost dropped the heart at the expression on Regina’s face.

“Emma...what are you doing?”

Her voice was so small, Emma felt her fingers tighten their grip on the heart. She steeled her voice so it wouldn’t waver; she didn’t feel very strong in that moment.

“We’re going back home.”

Suddenly the door to the tower flew open and Snow, David, and Henry ran through, panting from their run up the tower stairs. Henry recovered first.

“Mom! Please, there’s another way! We can fight the Darkness! You’re a hero!”

 _Hero._ The word echoed in Emma’s mind, filling her with dread. It was a title that no longer belonged to her, a title that she no longer deserved. Heroes didn’t succumb to evil. Heroes didn’t hurt their family.

Heroes weren’t weak.

The Darkness purred as it encouraged these thoughts, and it only fueled Emma’s drive to finish what she started. She held up the heart for everyone to see.

“Now that the whole family’s here, I can begin.”

A cruel smile twisted her features, and Regina lunged forward.

“Emma! Don’t-!”

In a second, Killian’s heart was crushed in Emma’s strong grip, squeezing the blackened organ until the dust slipped through her scaly fingers. It blew away as the winds picked up, and a giant portal opened several feet away, the swirling grey vortex crackling with magic and energy. The winds grew stronger and the portal opened wider, pulling everyone towards it.

“No! Emma! Stop!” Snow cried, holding onto David as he gripped the edges of the stone.

“MOM!” Henry’s voice cut through everything else, and Emma almost stopped at the sound of it. She could feel the Darkness lashing out, squeezing her limbs and preventing her from moving. This had to be done.

“Henry!!!” Regina screamed, attempting to run over to him but tripping over her feet as the portal draw strengthened. Emma watched as she struggled to remain in place, eventually averting her gaze.

Ignoring her family’s cries, Emma pulled out her dagger, running her fingers across the blade. The letters shone in the moonlight, a reminder of the monster she had become, and Emma grit her teeth as she held it up in front of her. The dagger emitted a bright glow, and one by one, everyone’s memories of their time in Camelot faded. Emma watched as her family all fell unconscious, their bodies getting sucked into the portal before they could hit the ground.

She could faintly hear Regina yelling for them, but Emma felt completely detached from the situation. It was as if, along with her family, her heart was sucked into the portal with them, and the only thing left standing was a husk full of darkness.

Regina struggled against the magic pulling her towards the portal, eventually getting back to her feet and running over to Emma. She gripped her shoulders and squeezed, shaking them a little, begging, “Emma, _please_ , stop! We can fix this!”

Emma just stared at her. Regina swallowed and leaned in closer, placing a hand on Emma’s cheek, ignoring the roughness of her skin. Her eyes were wet.

“We can do this together, right, Emma? Like we always do?”

Emma felt a momentary spike of white-hot anger, the Darkness telling her Regina was trying to manipulate her, use her feelings against her, but it fizzled out as quickly as it came. Instead it was taken over by a crushing wave of sadness, and Emma felt like her chest might explode from the force of it.

Emma lifted a trembling hand and placed it on Regina’s chest, right above her heart. Regina looked at it but didn’t react, instead focusing her attention back to Emma’s face, searching for any sign of acceptance or connection. Instead, she was shoved away, hard, and fell backwards from the unexpected force of it, scraping her hands against the abrasive stone.

Winds roaring in the background, Regina finally looked up at Emma, her final plea dying on her lips. Tears fell down Emma’s face, and the last thing Regina heard was a whispered, “I’m sorry, Regina. It’s too late for me.”

Then the world went black.

**Author's Note:**

> *insert "I'm back on my bullshit" meme here*


End file.
